Jabberwock
by J-chan the Maniacal
Summary: What happens in the asylum's library stays in the asylum's library... Just don't tell the janitors who did it. Riddler x Scarecrow x Mad Hatter!


This has actually been sitting around on my hardrive for a while. XD Take one part Riddler, add one part Scarecrow, and a cup of Mad Hatter, season liberally with borrowed literary quotes and a hastily-borrowed/paraphrased riddle, shake well and serve.

Warnings: Salty language, smut. Hence the "M".

Disclaimer: I still don't own Batman.

x-x-x-x

It was a testament to the Riddler's self-control that he didn't throttle the smaller man as they sat down to breakfast. The Mad Hatter was jabbering on about the damned Jabberwocky... _again_. To the detriment of his meal, which was rapidly growing cold.

" _'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves_

 _Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:_

 _All mimsy were the borogoves,_

 _And the mome raths outgrabe...'_ "

It seemed to be a point of fixation lately, the genesis of which Edward blamed entirely on Jonathan. Crane had reread _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass_ about a week ago and _mentioned it in passing_ to Jervis. Edward was convinced that the sicko was actually trying to instigate a bout of lunacy from the diminuitive redheaded fellow, because that was exactly the kind of sneaky bastard move Jonny liked to make whenever he got bored with scaring the bejeezus out of people.

" _'... "Beware the Jabberwock, my son!_

 _The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!_

 _Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun_

 _The frumious Bandersnatch!"...'_ "

Tetch was becoming more animated the longer he went on. He had climbed up onto his seat and was reciting the poem with great zeal, his hands weaving through the air as though the words were floating before him and he could conduct them like an orchestra. He would have been more impressive if he'd had his hat. Without it, he just looked like a tiny nutcase. Kind of adorable, but still the kind of guy you would cross the street to avoid.

The Riddler wondered if Lewis Carroll's immortal spirit was aware of the nightmare he had caused posthumously.

"... _'He took his vorpal sword in hand:_

 _Long time the manxome foe he sought-_

 _So rested he by the Tumtum tree,_

 _And stood awhile in thought...'_ "

Nigma, bereft of hope, ignored good manners and put his elbow on the table, propping his head on his hand as he stared blankly at the wall. There was nothing to do but weather this storm. Any attempt to capture the attention of a doctor would be as likely to earn _him_ a sedative as it would Jervis. God, how he hated psychiatrists...

" _'... And as in uffish thought he stood,_

 _The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,_

 _Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,_

 _And burbled as it came!...'_ "

At the exact moment that the Hatter finished the verse, flailing for dramatic effect, the Scarecrow walked to the table, projecting his usual angelic malevolence at the room with a charming smile. Nigma snorted out a laugh, not quite loud enough to draw Jonathan's attention... hopefully. He was imagining Crane burbling. It was hard not to snicker at the thought.

Jonathan cast a sidelong glance at Edward, silencing his laughter without a word. Well, it was more like the chuckle was brutally murdered, it's corpse was mutilated, and its body parts were put on display to discourage all subsequent laughter from rising up. The fiend's smile never faltered.

" _'... One, two! One, two! And through and through_

 _The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!_

 _He left it dead, and with its head_

 _He went galumphing back...'_ "

Crane took up the final two verses,

" _'"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?_

 _Come to my arms, my beamish boy!_

 _O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"_

 _He chortled in his joy._

 _'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves_

 _Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:_

 _All mimsy were the borogoves,_

 _And the mome raths outgrabe.'_ "

Jervis clapped his hands together in delight. "Beautifully spoken, Jonathan! I couldn't have done it better myself! Though I suppose I was doing quite well before you chimed in... Or was I?"

Jonathan inclined his head humbly (not that the doctor was ever sincerely humble). "Your renditions are always more entertaining. They are much livelier than my own meager attempts, don't you agree, Edward?"

"If by 'livelier' you mean 'apt to make me stick my head in Killer Croc's maw', then yes." Nigma flashed them both a sarcastic grin.

"Now, now, Edward, don't be a killjoy," the Scarecrow chastised.

The Riddler fought the urge to stick his tongue out at the God of Fear. It wouldn't end well if he engaged his stalker in immature tit-for-tat warfare. Instead, he nibbled at his toast, grousing, "I always preferred 'The Lobster-Quadrille', myself..."

At the potential flare of indignation building within the Hatter at this slight (though Jervis would admit that liked that song very much as well), Jonathan intervened. He wagged a finger at Nigma, tut-tutting. He spoke to Tetch, but the words were meant as a reminder to the Scarecrow's dishevelled, bespectacled "friend",

" _'Speak roughly to your little boy,_

 _And beat him when he sneezes:_

 _He only does it to annoy,_

 _Because he knows it teases.'_ "

Edward paled. He felt his appetite lessen considerably.

" _'Wow! Wow! Wow!'_ " Jervis quoted, looking back and forth between them.

x-x-x-x

"Three women were transformed into flowers growing in a field, but one of the ladies was allowed to be in her own home at night. Once, when day was approaching and she was about to be forced to go back to her companions in the field and turn back into a flower, she said to her husband, 'If you come to the field this afternoon and collect me, I will be free and henceforth be able to stay with you.' Her husband did so. Riddle me this: How did the woman's husband know her from the other flowers, since they were all identical while they were transformed?"

Edward studied his companions intently as they walked towards the library. The familiar know-it-all smirk was playing on his lips.

The Mad Hatter scratched his head thoughtfully. "Hurmmm..."

"Ha!" The Riddler tossed his head back contemptuously. "Come on, Jervis, a child could answer this one!"

Tetch huffed, offended. "Half a moment! I've almost got it..." The small man fidgeted uncomfortably. He really had no clue, but how could he tell Eddie that?

Crane leaned down to whisper something to the hypnotist. The Riddler pointed an accusing finger at him. "That's cheating!" he exclaimed. The Scarecrow merely gave him a smug smile.

Jervis bounced excitedly. "The man's wife was at home during the night, which prevented her from gathering dew on her petals like the others, and that's how he recognized her!" He beamed up at Nigma in triumph.

"Goddammit, Jonny..." Edward groaned, ego deflated.

Jonathan chuckled. "Even paraphrased, _Grimm's Fairy Tales_ is a bit out of his wheelhouse, Edward." At the look on the Riddler's face, he knew the arrow had hit its mark. The God of Fear decided to drive the point a bit deeper. "Heh, and you thought you were being so clever."

Nigma's brow twitched irritably. "Shut up."

The trio wandered the library, not really searching for anything. It was enough that the location afforded them a reprieve from doctors, cramped living quarters, and the constant, often screamed banter of their neighbors. Edward had puzzled out the locations of the security cameras long ago, so they had a relatively sizable number of blind spots to choose from for their conversations.

Not that talking was what the Scarecrow had in mind. He had selected this cozy little nook of the non-fiction section for his plot even before he had finished his coffee this morning. Poor, oblivious Edward scanned the nearest shelf with disinterest. Crane let him think he was safe for a few precious seconds before he approached his victim.

Nigma very nearly screeched as the ex-shrink threw him back against the wall. Had it not been for his sense of self-preservation where the guards were concerned, he would have. The Riddler, in a state of mild panic, tried to rationalize what was happening.

Facts: Jonny frequently jumped his bones at inopportune times, though as yet, they had never had sex in public. That said, with Crane's dominant tendencies, it wouldn't be a stretch for Edward to wind up with his jumpsuit down around his ankles in the library today. Also, Jervis was with them.

Oh dear God, surely Jonny wasn't planning to have the little shrimp _watch_ this humiliation...?

"Edward?" Jonathan leaned in and sipped at Nigma's lower lip. Jesus, how was it the man could mix gut-wrenching fear and eroticism with such precision?

Edward shivered at the contact. "S-Something I can do for you, Jonny?" he whimpered.

Crane's eyes had a slow burn going behind them as he spoke, "As a matter of fact, Eddie, there is. I want you to help me fuck Jervis."

The Riddler looked incredulously from the thin man at his lips to the smaller man staring at them both. Tetch appeared to be just as surprised as he was.

"Jonathan, I had no idea you were thinking of combining our trysts?" The Mad Hatter blinked at the doctor.

"WHAT?!" Edward shot a jealous glare at Crane. "How long has that been going on?!" Jonny had been raping the Hatter behind his back? If he had mentioned it, maybe it wouldn't be a big deal, b-but... The nerve! Two-timing the smartest man in Gotha- Aw, shit, he was so the girl in this messed up relationship, he could see it now. _Damn you, Jonathan Crane_ , he spat inwardly.

Nigma cast a dirty look at the Scarecrow. "Y-You can't be serious?"

"Edward, don't pretend the notion doesn't get you rock-hard." Crane chuckled.

It wasn't the idea of burying himself inside Jervis that was doing it. It was the thought that Jonny would get off on it. The Riddler had come to view himself and the Scarecrow as a couple of parasites feeding off of each other. Where Jonathan fed on the perverse enjoyment he could inspire in his semi-willing host, Edward drew his satisfaction from knowing that his companion was thoroughly wrapped up in the heat of the moment. A Scarecrow focused on pleasure tended to forget about inflicting emotional harm. At least temporarily.

"... He can't recite _Jabberwocky_ again."

Tetch bristled; less at the blatant disregard for whether or not _he_ wanted to be a part of this threesome, more at the fact that Edward would dare to say a negative word about anything relating to his favorite stories. "But I-"

"I am going to go postal if I hear the word _brillig_ one more time, Jervis. I'm not kidding." Edward couldn't believe what he was about to do. His expression softened marginally, embarrassment and sympathy winning out over his pride. "Tch... You can recite the entire caterpillar bit for all I care, but DO NOT start up with _Jabberwocky_ again. At least not until it's over. Please?"

The Hatter did not look especially pleased by this request, but he eventually nodded his assent. "Oh poo... Have it your way. But! But! No riddles from you!"

Nigma rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Let's get this over with, before I change my mind..."

x-x-x-x

The Mad Hatter surprised Edward. Based on Jervis' usual behavior, he had expected a lot of awkward nipping, fumbling hands, not the composure the little man possessed now. Seated on the edge of a nearby table to combat their height difference, Edward made small, breathy sounds as Tetch, straddling his hips, unfastened the Riddler's jumpsuit and worked his mouth along the taller man's now-exposed chest. There might have been something to his uncanny ability to lure Alices to their doom besides blatant hypnotism. Nigma looked to the Scarecrow as the God of Fear observed the scene.

Crane purred to himself at the sight _._ Neither man could claim inexperience; he had seen to the Riddler's education himself, and Jervis certainly seemed to know his way around a male body. Edward was still on the reluctant side, fighting not to show how flustered he was by the rasp of stubble against his flesh. He was used to Jonathan's ministrations, and the Scarecrow preferred to be clean-shaven whenever it was feasible. The difference in textures was electrifying and it showed in his flushed skin and labored breathing.

Jonathan strolled forward the two steps it took to close the gap between them. His hands slipped around the Hatter, seeking the fastenings to his jumpsuit. He leaned down to plant a vicious love-bite on the smaller man's shoulder when he got to the waiting flesh beneath the layers of too-rough cloth and old t-shirt. Tetch rolled his hips in response to the pain, which meant added friction for Edward. The Riddler's ensuing moan was dangerously loud. Crane was about to give him a sharp reminder about noise control by way of pinching something when the problem took care of itself. Nigma pivoted forward, his mouth colliding with Jervis' to muffle the sounds he was making. Crane gave a contented sigh. _Good boy_. He would reward Eddie for that later. Right now, though, he would focus on getting the jumpsuits out of the way...

x-x-x-x

" _'Will you walk a l-little faster?' sa-AH-id a whiting to a snail,_

 _'There's a p-porpoise close be-OOH-hind us, and h-he's treading on my tail...'_ "

Edward groaned as he slid inside the Mad Hatter, guided by Jonny's hand. He let his head fall back against the wall behind him. He regretted his earlier comment about "The Lobster-Quadrille" already.

" _'... See how e-eagerly the lobsters and t-the t-turtles all advance! They are waiting on the shingle- will you c-come and... a-and... join the dance?_

 _Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you j-join the dance?_

 _Will you, w-won't you, will you, won't y-you, won't you join the d-dance?'..._ "

Jervis arched as Crane's length joined the one already buried within him. The doctor was careful to move slowly, but it was still a lot to handle for a man only slightly more than half their height. Jonny shushed and petted the smaller man as he worked the trio into a mutually pleasurable rhythm.

The gentleness the Scarecrow showed Tetch did not go unnoticed. If not for the damnable friction of the Hatter's suffocatingly tight walls throbbing around him and Jonny's cock stroking along his own, Eddie would have managed a jealous scowl. As it was, the snide comment he wanted to make turned into a mess of "mmm"s and "nnn"s and "oooh"s as it left his vocal chords, only to be devoured by Jonathan as the pale ex-shrink leaned over Jervis' shoulder to kiss him.

Tetch had continued his partially incoherent recitation of the song throughout the penetration and subsequent thrusts, though he was getting shakier by the moment. Sensory overload might end the performance before he could finish it. Though somehow Edward doubted he would be that lucky.

" _'... What m-matters... matters it how f-far we go?' h-his scaly friend replied,_

 _'There is another sh-shore, you know, up-oh-on the other side._

 _The further off from England the nearer is to France-_

 _Then turn not pale, b-beloved snail- forgive me, A-Alice!- but come and join the dance._

 _Will you, w-won't you, will you, won't you, will you j-join the dance?_

 _Will you, won't you, w-will y-you, won't you, won't you join the... t-the... D-DANCE-?!'_ "

Edward had closed his hand around Jervis' pulsing length to try and end the singing. It worked like a charm (though not soon enough). Tetch stuffed a clenched fist between his teeth to stop himself from crying out as he came messily onto Nigma's chest and stomach. The resulting spasms carried over into the pressure squeezing the life out of the two cocks buried deep inside him. Eddie looked up just in time to see Crane's eyes flutter closed, the psychopath's lips parted in ecstasy. That, and the sensation of Jonny's release spilling around them both into the Mad Hatter, was the Riddler's undoing.

x-x-x-x

"You, uh... You don't think they'll analyze the scene... do you?" Edward, back to his usual OCD-groomed state of looking like nothing at all was amiss, was helping the jelly-boned Tetch re-fasten his jumpsuit.

Jonathan eyed the mess the three of them had left on the desk... and the carpet... and the small amount of collateral spatter that had shot past the Riddler's torso when Jervis had come. If Crane felt any regret for what the janitorial staff was going to have deal with when they came in that evening, he certainly didn't show it. In fact, he looked rather amused. "What, you mean test the DNA? Track down the culprits? I doubt it. From what I know of Harley and Joker's habits, our little deposit here pales in comparison. And what if they do test it? At most, we'll get a slap on the wrist."

He was probably right. At least they hadn't tried to eat an orderly or carve up a nurse. Unlike _some_ people. * _Cough, Croc and Zsaz, cough_.* Nigma shook his head, brows raised. "Still, I think it would be wise to vacate the premises, ASAP. The guards will be quite put out if they realize we had a good time on their watch."

"Agreed," the Scarecrow said with a nod.

Tetch flailed a woozy arm. "I told you butter wouldn't suit the works!"

Crane laughed, patting him on the head affectionately. "We had best get him back to his cell. He'll need to sleep this off."

Edward hoisted the Mad Hatter onto his shoulder. Really, he should demand that Jonny carry the shrimp, seeing as how this was all his fault to begin with... but he couldn't help but feel a bit fonder of the little madman, a bit more warm and fuzzy... Hmph. Must be the afterglow...

The trio departed the library swiftly and quietly, picking up speed discreetly as Two-Face, entering non-fiction, yelled gruffly to the library at large, "Hey! Who's been fucking around in the oversize section!?"

x-x-x-x

Waaaugh... I couldn't help myself. XD As always, feel free to review, if that's your thing. Hope you had fun. (I know I did!)


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